Medical Weblog

“And I love myself right now, and I love you right now.”

“Loving you makes me love myself.”

“And loving you makes me love myself.”

“I’m so glad I can love you and feel loved by you.”

“And I’m so glad I can love you and feel loved by you.”

“I love you so much, my dearest.”

“And I love you so very much, my darling.”

“I need so much love.”

“And I need so much love, too.”

“You are the most important person in my life.”

“And you are the most important person in my life.”

“I’d do almost anything for you.” “And I’d do almost anything for you.” “I’ll always love and honor you.” “And I’ll always love and honor you.” “I’ll cherish you until I die.” “And I’ll cherish you until I die.” Husband and wife kiss softly and tenderly.

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As a matter of fact, it was in playing the game “Indecent Proposal” that they first became aware of their built-in conflict. They both realized that they wouldn’t be jealous if their spouse had an extramarital heterosexual affair, but would be quite envious about a homosexual affair. Considering why this was so led to a series of shocks and insights. I neither encouraged nor discouraged their homosexuality; however, I recognized that it was the only way in which either might have an authentic sex or love life.

Homosexuality (like other forms of alternate sexual orientation) is rarely changeable. My theories about this are in line with classical psychoanalytical concepts, which hold that sexual orientation is conditioned during the “stage of discovery”— between two and three years of age, which is when children discover the differences in sexual anatomy between boys and girls. How parents respond to the child’s sexual discovery and curiosity, what kind of sexuality they themselves model, and how the parents and siblings relate to the particular child, all have an impact on sexual orientation. There may be personality traits that predispose a child toward a homosexual orientation, but I believe that the family environment is the most crucial factor.

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Having the couple do the exercise while in the act of love-making serves to bring out the primitive erotic elements that have been submerged by the surface negativity, while at the same time facilitating an awareness of what is being displaced onto the other mate.

For example, they may realize that their objection to their spouse’s fat hips has to do with repressed memories about a parent’s fat hips, or to childhood taunts about their own fat hips by siblings and schoolmates. Or, they may discover that being repelled by hair is associated with repressed memories about a parent’s or sibling’s hair. By tracing the transference to its source, the intensity of the transference may be lessened, and sexual feelings enhanced.

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“Yes, Mom.”

“Now, I’ve washed your back, your underarms, your rear, and your penis. You wash the rest.” “Yes, Mom.”

She sits on a very high stool (or such), so as to give the impression that she is sitting high above him, just as a mother does. She may also be dressed in a mother’s type of dress— an old-fashioned one, and wearing makeup and hair in a motherly way (in a bun) as well. She sits with arms folded, as if ready to judge and rebuke.

The son proceeds to play with himself as Mom watches.

“Look, Mom, I have a penis.”

“So I see.”

“It’s a very special penis.” “Is it?”

“It is! It really is! Look at my penis.” “I’m looking.”

“See what it can do? It can get big like this.” “That’s a wonderful penis you’ve got.” “And it can swing from side to side like this.” “What a wonderful swing.” “And up and down, too.”

“Oh, my dear—how amazing!”

“That’s nothing. Wait until you see what it can do next!” “What’s that, I wonder?” “You’ll see.”

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Players: Doctor and patient. Activists: Both.

Setting: “Doctor’s office” in the home. Aim: Appeal to the fantasy of “playing doctor,” which children of a certain age act out and which represents a natural curiosity about sexual details. Obsessives are big on details, so this game is designed to take the “detail orientation,” eroticize it, and transform it into something more meaningful.

Game Plan: In this game, the husband and wife take turns playing doctor and patient. If they are an “odd couple,” the control freak should play the doctor first, because he or she will relish that role more than the other, whereas the slob will relish the role of patient more.

At the appointed time the doctor comes out of his or her office (a converted bedroom, den, or basement will do) and asks the patient to come in. The patient does, and the doctor asks the visitor to get undressed and lie on the examining table.

“Now, this isn’t going to hurt. I’m going to give you a thorough physical examination. Please bear with me,” says the doctor.

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